


The Final Frontier

by Alexandria (heartfullofelves)



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Afterlife, Crack, F/F, Humour, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27721643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfullofelves/pseuds/Alexandria
Summary: Eve and Villanelle await their final judgement.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30
Collections: femslashficlets: tarot prompt challenge





	The Final Frontier

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Killing Eve + Judgement - Ultimate judgement, whether we welcome it or not.

With one look at the two women in front of her, the Judge sighed and put down her cronut. “I assume you know why you’re here?” she said.

Eve glanced down at the hole in her chest, then sideways at Villanelle’s neck, which was bent at an awkward angle. “We killed each other. Oh my god, is this the afterlife? Are you god?”

It was going to be a long session if there were more stupid questions like Eve’s. The Judge pushed back her chair so she could put her feet up on her desk. 

“Yes, yes, and no, there is no god.” 

“Seriously, Eve? That last one was obvious,” said Villanelle, cracking her broken neck back into place with a groan. 

“I’ve always been an agnostic,” Eve replied, rubbing her chest.

The Judge sighed again. “You’re dead, and the next step after death is your final judgement,” she explained. “That’s why you’re here.”

“Are we getting judged together?” Villanelle asked. “Is that normal?”

“Yes. No.”

“Wait,” said Eve. “If one of us murdered hundreds of people and the other one killed less than five, do we get the same punishment?”

“Fewer than five,” the Judge corrected. “And yes, that’s right.”

Villanelle scowled. “But that’s bullshit!”

The Judge picked up her clipboard and ticked the profanity box off her checklist. “Save it for someone who cares. I have to say, things aren’t looking good for you two. It’s not just the murders, but how you treated the people around you as well. I don’t think either of you ever did one selfless deed.”

“That’s just not true,” said Villanelle.

“Yeah,” said Eve. “You’re missing the time that I… Damn, you’re right.” She kicked the desk.

The Judge ticked another item off her list.

“Most of the ‘bad things’ we did was because of our jobs,” Villanelle pointed out. “Does your stupid little checklist take that into consideration?”

“Shh, I’m concentrating.” The Judge made some more notes, then tapped her lips with her pen as she reviewed the data.

“Will this take long?” Villanelle asked.

With a deep sigh, the Judge gave her an exasperated look and pushed her glasses further up her nose. “Will you just shut up? I’m making a decision about how the two of you will spend eternity, you know.”

“I don’t suppose anyone we know who’s already in the afterlife can give us a good character reference?” Eve asked.

“Do you know anyone who’d give you one?”

“Well… no.”

“Well then.”

The Judge lowered her head and turned back to her notes, clicking her pen as she thought. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Villanelle rocking back on her heels and Eve clenching her fists. She smirked, and kept clicking.

“Right,” she said after what would’ve been about twenty Earth years. “I’ve made my decision.”

“Thank god for that,” said Eve. Her usual tone was so dry the Judge couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic.

“So, based on everything the pair of you did while you were alive, including many,  _ many _ murders, several motorcycle thefts, and an unpaid hotel bill, I am sentencing you to eternity in Hell.”

“You can’t be serious,” said Villanelle.

Eve scoffed, and glared at Villanelle. “Why, were you expecting something different? A week in Paradise first?”

The Judge opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out two more clipboards, handing them to Eve and Villanelle. “Please fill out this ten-page feedback survey and pop it in that box before you go. It’s just to let us know how we did today.”

Villanelle scrunched up the pages, put them in her mouth, chewed, and spat them into the feedback box. Eve, on the other hand, took a moment to read the first question before scrunching up her face and ripping up the paper.

The Judge shrugged. She’d told management the surveys were a stupid idea; it looked like she’d have to tell them again. 

“All right. Bye, ladies. Have a nice afterlife.”

She pressed the Unlock button on her remote control, and the door to Hell opened, revealing snowy mountains and a cityscape behind water that looked just above freezing level.

“Think of it this way,” she said when she noticed the women’s reluctance to move, “— at least you’ll always be able to torture each other. Oh, and there’s a no-touching rule in Hell. It’s strictly enforced. So if you want to have one last go beating each other up, now’s your chance.”

Villanelle grabbed the front of Eve’s bloody shirt, while Eve grabbed Villanelle’s broken neck. They stared at each other. Pain was visible on both faces. For a moment, the Judge was worried they’d leave her office in a worse state than when they’d entered, but then their lips crashed together in a desperate kiss, the likes of which she hadn’t seen since she’d judged Bonnie and Clyde. She wished she had popcorn. Then they started moaning into each other’s mouths, and she wished she had popcorn and a vibrator.

She shooed them towards the door. “That’s enough. Go on. Off you go.”

“Fine,” Villanelle said with a pout. “Come on, Eve.”

At last, they walked through the door and the Judge could press the Lock button on her remote. Just before the door slid all the way shut, she heard one more pesky question:

“Why is Hell Alaska?”


End file.
